Your baby needs one functioning happy parent who is going to put the childs needs first at all times. They got no validation or acknowledgement Their behavior was ignored. But THIS MAN isnt him. I kid you not!!! TheFirstWife Its all I had. It is SO BIZARRE. Even if he isnt speaking to the OW, his head is still fogged FOR SURE with what he wants for his life. You remain calm. You are NOT doing anything wrong. He would tell me if he had a work dinner or working late (or traveling etc). Part of me thinks I should once and for all let this go and move on, figure out a schedule for him and the baby and move on without him, but I just cant even fathom that. No texts or calls or emails or contact from you. And the next day I had another t shirt on and he was like where are all these t shirts coming from?, bc theyre just old t shirts and he hasnt seen them on me before so hes curious. Im just like eye-rolling why now?, after Ive healed enough to completely see a future without him, why now? Anyway, we got back together, he proposed to me, I said yes (I just thought the wedding wouldnt be right away and we would resolve our issues before the wedding). In 25 years of M the D words was never used. Last night was a big one. You have told him he can be with the other woman all he wants. And If I keep kicking him out and letting him back im like the boy who cried wolf. It helps him continue the affair. And he has been gone all day and of course my mind goes to wondering where he could possibly be, but I just have to get used to wondering that, bc now he wont be living here anymore. Stop focusing on the M. Just know you will be prepared down the road for whatever happens. Hell, I wish THE FIRST TIME I saw a text from her 8 months ago I had kicked his ass out and let him see what life was like without me before the baby came. I just let him know the facts do not add up. He is trying to have you and the OW and it appears from all the back and forth he doesnt know what he wants. Started as EA but became more than that. Recharge yourself. I feel like I hate the guy! Second / I put up with his disrespect far too long. Doug: Yes. You may have to end the conversation if he continues the lies b/c you will go nowhere. I know how maddening that is. Add in that we planned for a baby and are now raising our beautiful 5 month old daughter, I am trying to be fair to him and not keep her from him in any way, while also maintaining my sanity and possibly my need to move on from him. I need to TRY to just be positive and focus on ME and the baby, and stop focusing EVERY WAKING MOMENT on what hes feeling and how bad this situation feels. It was so bad I had to call the OW to see if she knew what was going on. Unfortunately I was. He became a different person overnight. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. I simply took away the device my H was using to play a game. When I did it, he didnt argue and he didnt even attempt to sneak back on there, but it didnt break his stupidity fog. How do people turn this situation around? Even if its wrong. People lie would start yelling at her if they ran out of an item like rye bread. But im kind of in the same boat right now. I dont know..well see how it goes. BUT if he chooses to lie then the conversation is over. The second issue is the one I cannot figure out and it makes no sense to me (or you). Sometimes, he wants to discuss stuff anf sometimes I can tell hes immediately annoyed. No yelling. He was impressed by how close my family was, he became a part of it and he loved it and it was like he felt such pride in me as his girlfriend, 5 years later as his fiance, and 6 years later as his wife. You take a step back. I would suggest that you stop trying to get her back and instead focus your energies on yourself. We were only talkingnothing else! I then realized it never ever had anything to do with me. If you no longer want him to hang out in bars w/out you present, then you need to clearly state that during MC or in your talks to him. Saying we wont ever be able to move past this unless I magically wake up and see that im this controlling person who didnt appreciate him, etc. WTF??! I can tell from what you have posted you truly understand this is all his doing. Then, you started acting like This, so what all is there to know?. Perhaps all those are possible, but I like to attribute it in most cases to the affair fog. He was SERIOUSLY the best guy ever, before the OW. Calm and rational confrontation. Then he doesnt come home until way later and doesnt think its a big deal. But he is running out of time very quickly. No disrespect. I have been in your shoes. Im hoping that today and yesterday feel SO awful bc he is out of town and its just making me crazy, I am hoping once he is back in town I will not feel this horrible. I never thought my life could take this kind of turn, and when it took this turn, I NEVER thought that this many months later I would still be in a position of heading towards divorce, when I know thats not what I want, but I fear he will do it just bc he doesnt know how to fix it and doesnt want to right now. You deserve better. When I decided to go back to him I told myself I have forgiven him and chosen to trust him. Part of me really does believe him when he says they arent speaking. And when I do that I can always tell he gets a little curious. NOW is the time to get strong and assert yourself. Then he went on again to say he would be out of the house asap and asked how we will go about scheduling the baby. We have all been through some aspect of the above I some way shape or form. And he doesnt feel like he needs to change. We were fine. GOSHHHHH. He realized how disrespectful it was. Im serious on that sorry to say. The OW was history and he was doing everything possible to make amends. I would of course hope that one day he will open his eyes and see this for what it is and see how much trauma he has caused, but I really doubt it. But he was a coward. I am DETERMINED to be happy with or without him, but I would be MUCH HAPPIER with him. He made that choice. Get yourself a good therapist or counselor. You have tried everything you could. My therapist saved my sanity and was a good fit. I told him I will never be able to stop loving him if I see him all the time. we are seeing a councillor. ANYWAY I counsel people now, nothing structured but friends and 2nd connections. And I wonder if your H isnt trying for the same thing. Money in your own name. I told him thats fine, do what he needs to do and ill sign. When theyre addicted to it like you said, can ANYTHING help them come out of it? There was a 2nd and 3rd DDAY but that was 4 yrs ago this January. Maybe he thinks I will just always be here even though I truly wont. He makes sly comments sometimes. It I held my ground for months. WebIt was devastating news to say the least. We had a huge blowout fight on Monday. I would have done almost anything EXCEPT allow my H to openly date the OW, wait around while he made a decision in two months or allow him to blame me for the A. One thing that may help (though I doubt he will be willing) is some sort of divorce type counseling so that the air is cleared and your relationship with him can be such that the kids do not suffer any further emotional damage. And if I said that to him it might be a wake up call, but then again, I might regret it 10 mins later and regret saying it. I guess all I can do is work on ME and try to be the best place for him to be! My situation is a little bit different because my CS started the affair as an online thing, she is a long distance romance, he went to see her for 2 weeks where she lives, after what seems as maybe 6 months of knowing her via social media, they apparently got engaged, at least thats what she declared on her social media, and while he is still married to me. I wasnt clear on thatsorry. He will regret it one day. But lied about it and snuck around. The only thing that was happening was I was a total wreck, and that didnt affect you like it should have. I thought we turned the corner. He said now he know i wasnt love. And I just have to stick to my guns I guess, as hard as it is. He is here every night, I dont really have any reason to think there is someone he is seeing, but clearly anything can happen. At least you are not having yelling and screaming matches daily (not good for the baby or you). I always look back on the fog, having come out of it, and say WOW. Bc now I feel like thats done with. And when I was going to D him after DDay2 (because 1 is just not enough to suffer through) that is when he realized I was no longer going to allow this crap to go on. I made sure he knew if he sat at the dinner table with me and children it was a privilege and a gift and dont count on it. My husband was acting very strange and very nasty towards me. Talk about feeling like a major sap! like you said, I cannot change him. His emotional state was that rocky. Your confrontation with him was to try and get your M off life support. its exactly what I need to do, and I know it. Right now it seems like he could care less, He is probably thinking to himself I knew she couldnt handle me going out. Instead of feeling satisfied, however, he felt trapped. And then hes accusing me of turning his kids against him because they dont respond to him and why should they. Worry about what YOU need to do in these 24 hoursI wake up and read the 180 instructions almost daily just to motivate myself. Oh absolutely, he has blamed me for SO much. I left him but he never stopped contacting me. Best possible given the home you are in. We have both said we wont do anything permanent yet, but when he gets mad he always throws things in my face. She is engaging with your H inappropriately. I dont focus on getting over that right now, bc we may not ever get there anyways. (so untrue but whats the point), I said Okay, well YOU DONT, bc youre NOT HERE. I think we can always do better. He told me he didnt want that, and that he wanted to stay with me and our daughter. We continued on but his trust issues just went out of control and I resent him everytime he thinks im cheating and everytime he accuses me of cheating, it drives me to go cheat. If this works, it does, but Im going to prepare myself if I am not going to be in this marriage., I also wish I would have just said, You are in this affair. You know he is unreliable. If you want to see new boundaries like he has no social media or you have free access to his phone, he must accept that. Here are some most crucial signs of a midlife crisis that may help you to understand where you stand. A curious and frustrating (for the BS) frame of mind the cheater goes through while in the midst of their affair. So sorry for you. Next begins a repeated internal dialog of the rationalizations over and over again in their minds. Wait for him sure. I told him he had to leave. He texted me again the next morning asking when he could see the baby and I offered for him to see her that night, and he again apologized for the things he said to me. But I also just hate this. And when I do go home and he is there, he is so short with me as if I annoy him or have done something wrong. Hahahahaha asking someone to call if they are going to be 4 hours late is so off the Wall. as if they were single or not a parent. He got really angry and said I dont do anything around the house besides feed the baby and that he could do what I do. However it is difficult to reason or make progress while the fog and/or affair continues. K. Im sorry you continue to go through this. I knew him 30 years and saw him in front of me and he was a completely different person. I so badly dont want to be disrespected by him so I am assuming things and (like him and her talking) and I am flipping out, in hopes he will see I wont be a doormat, but then a day later I calm down and I want him around and I am more myself.
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midlife crisis when the fog lifts